Lessons

Today, I learnt nothing new.
Someday, I'll learn to live with that.



Yesterday, I made fifty people feel better.
The only person who failed to feel good was me.
Someday, I'll learn to live with that.



The other day, I helped deliver a dozen babies.
Later they would be somebody's mother, father, brother or sister.
They might even be a thief, rapist, murderer, bigot, or corruptor.
Someday, I'll learn to live with that.



Once upon a time, I saved a man's life.
Little did I know he lived on to abuse his children, cheat on
his wife, left her, made her kill self, marry his girlfriend,
had more kids, abused them too, they ended up dealing drugs
and beating the weaks like the bullies they were.
Someday, I'll learn to live with that.

Out of the blue, you decided not to talk to me.
And then fucked around, just because.
Never, will I learn to live with that.



Someday, the world will end.
That day, I'll learn that nothing I've learnt matter.

Mayat Berjalan

Lihat, dadaku bergerak naik turun
Hembusan uap dari hidung rasanya hangat
Aku bernafas
Tapi aku mati

Bayanganku mengikuti kemanapun ku pergi
Jalan ke belakang, dia mundur
Geser ke kiri, dia ikut berpindah
Tubuhku bisa bergerak
Tapi aku mati

Saat aku berlari
Atau bila terancam ketakutan
Jantungku berdetak cepat sekali
Tapi aku mati

Otot otot wajahku pegal
Gigi sampai terasa kering
Perutku jadi kaku
Aku tertawa
Tapi aku mati

Menetes air mata
Saat pisau menyayat kulit
Atau perasaan terlukai
Aku juga bisa menangis
Tapi aku mati

Mengapa aku masih disini

The Hitman Within

FADE IN.

INT. LIVING ROOM - A NICE BIG HOUSE - NIGHT

CAMERA PANS sekeliling. Ruang tamu yang mewah, tertata bersih. Dari TV terdengar SUARA siaran talk-show ceria sedang berlangsung.

Di sofa empuk berlapis kulit beige Itali, TONI (19 th) duduk. Pandangannya kelantai, mata merah berkaca-kaca, wajahnya sangat lelah dan ketakutan. Kedua tangannya diatas pangkuan, terikat tali erat. Disamping Toni, NUMIL (45 th) wanita setengah baya, duduk tertunduk, menangis terisak pelan, pipinya basah air mata. Keningnya disandarkan ke kedua tangannya yang saling terikat di pergelangan.

SUARA TV masih terdengar keras. Penonton live-show dalam TV tertawa, bertepuk tangan.

Tak jauh dari sofa, ada bangku kayu dengan sandaran. ROY (46 th) duduk tersdandar tegak. Kedua tangannya terikat dibelakang kursi. Dada dan perutnya dililit ikatan tali, kedua kakinya terendam kedalam sebaskom air di lantai. Wajahnya geram, tampak frustasi, berkeringat, nafasnya terengah.

Di kursi depan TV, VETA (23 th) duduk santai bersandar nonton TV, kakinya diangkat ke atas meja. Sesekali ia tersenyum seiring dengan tawa penonton di TV.

VETA:
We loved watching Oprah. And
American Idol, every Wednesday.
(beat)
Did you know that?
Veta melihat ke arah Roy dengan santai, lalu kembali lihat TV.

Di lantai tak jauh dari mereka, seorang pria besar berpakaian serba hitam terkapar tak bergeming. Matanya terbelalak, lehernya tertekuk dalam posisi janggal. Dari kedua telinga dan hidungnya ada aliran darah yang sudah kering.

NUMIL:
(shaky voice)
Mba Veta.. saya, betul betul minta maaf..
maaf, maaf yang terdalam. Atas nama..
(breaks to tears)
suami saya.. atas nama, semua orang
yang dibawah wewenang kami..
Veta memandang tajam ke arah Numil, Numil terdiam. Roy menoleh kearah isterinya dan menghela nafas dalam, meludah geram ke baskom air di bawahnya.

VETA:
And NOW you're sorry. Because here I am, and
and there you are. Tell me, whose side God
is right now?

NUMIL:
Saya tau mba Veta orang baik, ini nggak harus
jadi begini.. sekali lagi saya minta maa..

Serentak Veta bangun dari kursi, bergerak cepat ke arah Numil dan mencengkramkan tangan kanan ke leher Numil. Toni beranjak berusaha menolong ibunya. Veta mendorong Toni keras di dada dengan tongkat pemukul di tangan kirinya. Toni kembali terhempas duduk. Roy menggeram, sementara Numil berusaha menarik lepas cengkraman Veta.

ROY:
Leave my wife alone, bitch!!
Veta melepaskan Numil, beranjak ke arah Roy, berdiri tepat didepan Roy. Roy mendongakan kepala, menantang pandangan Veta.

VETA:
(slowly repeats)
Leave, my, wife, alone, bitch?

VETA:
(Cont'd.)
When I asked you to let things be, were
you listening? When I begged you, to
to leave us be..
Veta berkaca-kaca, gemetar.

VETA:
(Cont'd)
..why didn't you goddamn leave and bother your
own business?! Because I left out the 'bitch'
bit at the end?! I's supposed to say please
leave us alone BITCH, so you'd listen?!!
(calms down a little)
I had a perfect life man. And was nowhere
bothering yours. So why the hell, man? Why?
Gotta make things your way, that it?
(beat)
Fine then I'll fucking leave your wife alone.

Veta mengeluarkan sesuatu dari balik jaketnya, menuding ke arah kepala Toni. DAARRRR. Dia menembakkan satu peluru tepat ke kepala Toni.

Numil memekik histeris sekuatnya. Roy berteriak keras sekali. Mereka histeris cukup lama. Numil jatuh terduduk di lantai, Roy menundukan kepalanya lemas, tersedu. Veta kembali duduk di kursi depan TV, mematikan TV dengan remote.

NUMIL:
You'll go to hell for this!!
(cries some more)

VETA:
Ya ya, bla bla. You said I'd go to hell
for loving my baby, and my lover died
because of you fuckers. Honestly, if I
gotta meet people like you folks in
heaven, I'd rather go the other way thanks.

ROY:
(grits teeth)
I'm gonna kill you bitch.

VETA:
Maybe. In the next life perhaps. I believe in
karma, I really do, so whatever. But right now,
who's the man Roy? I'm so winning this round.

Your wife's next, say your last goodbyes.
Roy berteriak lagi, segala macam kata-kata kotor dikeluarkan. Dia meronta, menangis, tak berdaya. Numil tertunduk lemas di lantai, bergetar dan seperti sedang membaca doa.

NUMIL:
(weakly)
Please, janji.. jangan bunuh anak perempuan
saya kalau dia pulang nanti, she's such a good
girl.

VETA:
Oh don't worry, she won't know I did these.
And I very much want her to live. All she'll
know is that her family is murdered for a
reason she'll never understand. She and I have
that in common, yea? We'll have a lot to share.

VETA:
(Cont'd.)
Do me a favor Num, drink this so I won't
have to scatter your brain all over this place.

Gemetar, Numil meraih botol kecil yang diberikan Veta. Numil memandang Roy dengan tatapan penuh penyesalan dan kesedihan. Dia memejamkan mata lalu menenggak seisi botol dengan cepat.

Roy mengerang. Beberapa saat kemudian Numil seperti tersedak lalu terkapar di lantai. Roy mengerang leibh keras. Apapun yg dilakukan atau dikatakannya sekarang sudah terlambat.

VETA:
Last man standing, Roy. You got a choice, beg
me for forgiveness and I give you painless
death, or stay stubborn and I help you die
slowly in agony.
Roy tersedu lirih, dia melunak.

ROY:
(weakly and in tears)
I don't care no more Vet, I can't feel any
more.. I just need to know.. don't you have
any remorse, at all?

VETA:
I'll cry over you guys tonight, then I'll
decide that you're better off that way. And
I move on.
DAAARRRR!!
A bullet shot right in the middle of Roy's eyes.

FADE OUT.

Insomaniac

I lay on @ bed
Flashes of mem0ry I regret
Faces I can't forget

T#ey all look blood red

There's s0mething in my head

Thing$ you DonT get

It's eating /v\y neurons like a RAT

Like how I see some people are be++er DeaD

0r HOW i use their head as shoot!ng target

It's B A D

I'm sCaReD

Hate me, I shit money

To whom all those endless education and ageless pursuit of knowledge clearly didn't do you any good, your shallow head makes me sick.

Is it my Chanel No. 5 smell, my fabulous meni pedi that cost more than your monthly sallary, and the way my thousand dollar hairwax hold my fringe?

Is it my half million Vacheron wristwatch that caught you looking, which I sometimes interchange with my Patek and Rolex-es, or my occasional latest season Gucci, Fendi, and Manolo Blahniks handbags?

My tic toc tic tac echo off the corridor tells you it's Prada shoes I'm wearing? No, really, it's just a couple of Hermès and D & G. Also, my white coats are tailor made by Donna Karan and Versace.

Oh, you shouldn't have noticed these diamond crates I put on each finger. This one on my neck is about the price of one island, and 7 generation of your kind. I know.

Did you see my chauffeur opened up my limo door in the morning? Or the other day when I stepped off my gold plated Maybachs? For I park alot more Bentleys in the West Beverly you haven't seen.

Now, don't let my faithful well-trained bodyguards distract your attention. For I'd like to bitch-slap you out of all those imagination of me you created in your head.

Stop being so jealous, lowlies. All I do is take a bath every morning, make sure all these cheap clothes are cleaned, pressed, then walk down the line with a confident smile.

Irony oh Irony

Crikey!

That friendly-to-the-ear accentuated ozzie greeting.

We all Animal Planet viewers have heard it hundrends of times, some loving it, some.. not so loving it. Yup, it's none other but Steve Irwin the Croc Hunter. The 44-year old Australian naturalist is identical in our image with croc hunting, croc fighting, croc daredevil acts, other crockish things, and countless animal conserving campaigns.

But sometimes life takes an irony..

Earlier today, Steve Irwin died while diving on the Great Barrier Reef, Queensland, Australia. He was stung in the chest by a sting-ray while filming an underwater documentary "Deadly Sea Creatures". He suffered cardiac arrest after the sting, and despite the immediate rush by helicopter to the hospital, he was already dead on arrival. This was the second fatal case ever caused by a sting-ray attack in Australia.

World's deadliest crocs can't get you Steve, but 1 sting-ray it's over.

Can't imagine how Australian wildlife would be without you.

May your love and works set your family strong to pull through this.

The crocs will miss you, the world too.

Rest in peace, Croc hunter..

My Declaration of Adolescence

IN CONGRESS

AUGUST 28, 2006

In the course of human events it becomes necessary for one to re-enstate existence and beliefs which connect them with another and to assume powers among the earth. I hold these truths to be self-evident that, no men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain Limitations, that among these are Needs, Feelings and Weakness. In decent respect to the opinions of mankind, I should declare my causes which impel me to the separation.

1. You laugh because I'm different, I laugh because you're all the same.
   
   
2. I'm not insecure. I pick up imperfections that would otherwise make me perfect.
   
   
3. For a self who constantly lives on the brink between Life and Death, and not care much which side of the line I'm in, people don't scare me much.
   
   
4. Understanding and Undergoing are not quite the same thing. So the next time you're going to console me saying you understand, think again.
   
   
5. And I do have impulses to assassinate those I despise.
   
   

We, therefore, the Representatives of the Half a Dozen States of My Personalities, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name and by Authority of the good and bad People in Myself, solemnly publish and declare that This Declaration is to be the hallmark of Our Free and Independent States of Adolescence, setting us full power to levy War, conclude Peace, establish Life, and do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. With a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, what you say and do to follow, won't matter.

Signed in congress by,

-- The Loz in me, -- The Pit in me, -- The Gabby in me,

-- The J in me, -- The Blu in me, -- The rest of me.